The Bishounen of eBay
by prettyinpinkgal
Summary: Ichigo has reached her limit with her blonde boss and alien stalker. So what does she do? Sell them on eBay, of course! Based on my strange authors notes for my fic, New Feelings.


**Prettyinpinkgal: Just a random one-shot I came up with, based on some of my author's notes. Also, I wanted people to know I'm not dead (lol) since I haven't updated any of my TMM fics lately. Blame it on school and my 1 hour limits (during the weekdays. Even during the weekend, I don't have much time, only 2 hours). I'm really sorry, but I swear when I get a chance I will put up an actual chapter for one of the ficcies (probably Just a Dream, since people love it. I'm so happy :D) Please review!**

**THE BISHOUNEN OF EBAY**

"Get to work, baka Strawberry," came a cool response from the cafe. It was a sunny spring day, yet there was one unhappy cat.

"Nani? You always say that, Shirogane!" the redhead Ichigo Momomiya screamed. Although this was taking place in the lab as Ryou worked on his computer, the other people in Cafe Mew Mew could hear the Mew Mew leader yell from all the way in the seating area for the cafe.

"And _you _always beg me for a raise, which is why you came down here, right?" Ryou replied, never once glancing up from the computer screen.

Ichigo gave a look that could kill. "I hate it when you know everything."

"It doesn't take a supergenius to figure that out, Ichigo."

Silence.

Ryou turned his head slightly, just in time to see the catgirl exit the lab and close the door behind her. 'That's a first. She didn't even try that long.' He shrugged, then went back to his work.

* * *

Ichigo silently but angrily stormed out of the cafe, briefly saying to Mint that she was taking her break. She went to the park, where she could be alone for a bit. Problem was, she wasn't as alone as she thought. 

"Koneko-chan!" Kish called as he hugged her tightly from behind.

"What are you doing here, Kish? I thought you'd returned to your own planet!" said Ichigo, more suprised than anything.

"Yes, but I decided I can't live without you! I love you, Koneko-chan!" He kissed her on the cheek and hugged her tighter.

_Idiots,_ thought Ichigo, who was, at this point, extremely ticked. _I'm surrounded by idiots._ "Look, you," she said to Kish. "I. Do. Not. Like. You. In. That. Way. Get. A. Clue."

"Aww! You're even cuter when you're angry!" The clueless alien tried to steal a kiss, and succeeded. Satisfied, he told her goodbye and teleported back to his ship. However, he was NOT on Ichigo's good side. He was stranded at the polar opposite, along with Ryou.

So she wouldn't cause a scene, Ichigo Momomiya walked home so she could vent. When she arrived, her parents were still at work. She slowly walked into her pink-covered room, locked her door (although no one was home to interrupt her), shut the windows, and pulled down the shades. Then she screamed into her pillow, causing a couple glass objects in her room to shatter, getting her more angry.

"I HATE MY LIFE! THOSE TWO IDIOTS THINK THEY'RE SOOOOO GREAT! SHIROGANE NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER LISTENS TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY, HE NEVER GIVES ME A RAISE, AND HE TREATS ME LIKE CRUD! AND KISH! HE ACTS LIKE HE CAN DO WHATEVER HE WANTS TO ME, STEALING KISSES AND HUGGING ME AND RUINING DATES AND MAKING MY LIFE A LIVING HECK! I HATE HIM! I HATE SHIROGANE! I HATE THEM BOTH!" Panting and bright red, she plopped, exhausted, onto her bed. _If I don't do something, I'll always be like this. _Ichigo pulled her pillow over her face, thinking. Then it occured to her. The World Wide Web was only _the _perfect place of getting rid of your problems.

She went downstairs and on the computer. She pulled up the Internet and typed in She didn't have an account, so she clicked on "Register." She filled out her info and continued. When she was done, Ichigo searched for two boxes. Two very BIG boxes. When she couldn't find any big enough in her house, she went over to BJ's and got the size she needed. When the girl returned home, a large smile was on her face, although it was slightly sinister. Ichigo flipped through her photo album of her times as a Mew Mew, and found a couple of Kish and Ryou. Ichigo put them on her account and typed, "BUY RYOU SHIROGANE AND KISH THE ALIEN NOW! ONLY AVAILABLE FOR A LIMITED TIME!" She posted it and decided to charge five-thousand yen. Now all she had to do was lure the guys into the boxes, and her troubles were over!

* * *

Ichigo ran over to the cafe on Sunday. She didn't have work that day, so she would be able to trick Ryou with no interruptions. She went up to Ryou's room "Ne, Shirogane!" she called in a fake happy voice. 

Ryou opened the door, shocked. "Ichigo?"

"I wanted to say I'm sorry, so I got you a gift. It's all the way at the bottom of this box." She pulled out the box from behind her.

Shirogane looked surprised, then suspicious. "What are you up to?" he asked.

"Nothing! I just...I just really wanted to say I'm sorry," she said, her voice filled with sorrow.

"Demo...Ichigo, what's with the huge box?"

"Well, it was the only box I had at my place."

Ryou thought for a moment, then shrugged, not seeing the harm. "Okay, well, uh, arigato." He placed the box against the wall so it wouldn't fall over, and he bent over inside it. "Ichigo! Hold the box while I try to find it!" the blonde called.

"Hai!" Ichigo replied happilly. She did so as she sealed up the box (she had air holes in it, don't worry!).

"Ichigo, I can't find it...Hey! What did you do?"

Ichigo smirked. "Consider this payback," she said. Knowing she couldn't carry a guy two years older than her, she had to get on a bus, where some people helped her with the box. When people saw the box moving and yelling, they stared at her. Calmly, she said, "It's a gift for a friend," she whispered. "It's the latest edition of this singing and dancing thing. It must have turned on in there."

When Ichigo arrived home (her parents left the night before to go on business trips. Convieniant, eh?), she pushed the box with her boss into the basement (A/N An alliteration! Sorry, too much English class...). _Excellent,_ she thought, drumming her fingers together like that guy on The Simpsons. Now all she needed was a certain alien...

* * *

Ichigo ran outside. She headed towards the park, where no one was around. "Aww!" she cried loudly. "Kish isn't here!" 

It worked. "Koneko-chan! You were looking for me?" a green-haired alien said.

"Yup! You see, I have something important I want to tell you. Something about, you know, _us._" She blushed, trying to look innocent.

Kish grinned. "You finally came around! I lo--"

"Please! Not here! I wanna tell you in a better spot, not some boring old park! I wanna tell you in this really cool place in Hokkaido, except you have to go in this box when we get at my house!" When Kish looked at her skeptically, Ichigo added, "It's the way of humans to get in boxes to travel over water!"

Being unfamiliar about Earth customs, he smiled and nodded, saying he understood. They raced to her house, where Ichigo boxed him up. "Now, no teleporting, okay?" she asked.

"You got it, Kitten!" came a muffled reply. Ichigo ran towards the computer, typing furiously to see if anyone placed a bid yet. She saw one, and immediately agreed. The boys would be shipped out tomorrow.

* * *

Tomorrow came, and tomorrow went. Ryou (Ichigo placed masking tape on his mouth and tied rope around him, as well as for Kish) and Kish were loaded into the Fed Ex and shipped overseas.

* * *

**TWO WEEKS LATER...**

Prettyinpinkgal/Alyssa ran towards the door. "Are they here!" she asked the Fed Ex worker.

He stared at her. "Um, we do have two large packages, if that's what you..." He was interrupted when she quickly signed and pulled the boxes up the steps and into her room. She opened the boxes to see Ryou Shirogane and Kish the Alien!

"Oh yeah! This rules! Arigatou gizaimasu, Ichigo!"

Kish teared up. "My kitten sent me...(sob)...to a psychopath?"

Alyssa looked at him. "Um, it's not too much of an insult, coming from someone who tried destroying the earth." She grinned and hugged him so he couldn't breathe. "But I love you anyway!" She then let go and hugged Ryou, screaming, "I love you too!"

"I love Koneko-chan!" Kish shouted.

"I love...um..." Ryou blushed, realizing what he was about to say.

Alyssa stared at them. "You two love someone who sold you on eBay?" The two nodded (well, Ryou did it reluctantly).

Kish stopped. "Wait, what's eBay?"

Ryou replied, "It's a site where you can auction off things and stuff. Anyway, why did Ichigo do it?"

Alyssa shrugged. "Because she hates both of your guts. Anyway, now you guys are my slaves and have to do disclaimers and stuff for me, got it?"

Ryou and Kish said at the same time, "We don't have to do what you say!"

Alyssa showed the remote in her hand, and the two boys realized they were wearing shock collars. "Yes, you do." **Click.**

"DAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" The boys screamed. "OKAY OKAY OKAY! WE WILLLL!"

Alyssa smiled. "Yay. XP"

* * *

**MEANWHILE...**

Ichigo watched the scene on Ryou's computer, giggling. "Now to see how it feels to be worked to death, Ryou! Mua ha ha! And Kish is out of my hair, too! ...Now time for popcorn!"

**Prettyinpinkgal: Will Ryou and Kish ever escape the clutches of crazy ol' me? Find out in upcoming author notes! Please review for this weird fic with wackiness!**

**Kish & Ryou: SAVE US! (Computer screen turns off as readers stare in pure horror/shock)**


End file.
